spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
