i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
