I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
