I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
