No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I party with great urgency now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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