she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize