Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Too much gin, very little bucket
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
