I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
