I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
