There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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