Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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