We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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