I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
