went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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