it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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