my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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