Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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