the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ttyl tear gas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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