You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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