If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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