so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize