So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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