So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
