i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
