The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
