fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
