I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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