I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
