I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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