you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were trust falling into bushes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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