I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
