you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize