Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
