I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize