dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize