My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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