In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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