1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need a beard to bite.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
