Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
