Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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