go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
