Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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