you turned your livingroom into a bong?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize