so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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