Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
