We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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