i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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