somebody snuck up and got me drunk
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
