That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
