Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
