OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
