the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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