your thong is hanging out like whoa
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
