I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
