im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize