we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize