is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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