Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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