watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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