I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
