She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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