i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
