So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
