My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
