my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
