i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
