So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
