She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
that is very illegal...i love you.
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