I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize