I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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