New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
