He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
